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The Apprentice – Zelda from Terrahawks, Girl Bands and Ice Cream

OK, I have struggled with this one.

As regular readers will know, I spotted Sarah right from the start (it wasn’t hard) and once I got past James’s Loadsamoney bravado, he too seemed a sensible bet. However, I am deeply annoyed that some of those who slogged away for weeks they were actually doomed from the start.

For example, Joanna was rejected not because she went around with a face like a permanently slapped backside, but because within two years of leaving University, her plan was to launch a business in a sector in which she had no experience. At the other end of the scale, Michaela was rejected because she had too many other business interests and it was felt that the venture with Lord Sugar would not receive her full attention. Neither ever stood a chance based on these facts. The deal breakers that undid them in week 11 were deal breakers on day one – they should never have been admitted to the process. This annoys me.

Then I realise that they were selected because they make good TV – Joanna’s ability to pick a fight in an empty room and then cry because she lost said fight, and Michaela’s cracking sense of humour made them good TV. So then I get annoyed with myself for taking the show seriously. So I am caught in a downward spiral of meta this and meta that, getting annoyed at getting annoyed about a Reality TV shows that bears no resemblance to reality. The Apprentice had tasks where contestants picked up dog do and pretended the internet didn’t exist, and I take it seriously!

As such, I’m relieved it’s over.

I like the Interview Episode. I like it because they get interviewed by Zelda from Terrahawks (google it, kids) who approaches interviews with the balance and fairness normally associated with a Stalinist show trial. Now, most of us work in markets where good candidates are in very short supply. And so when we get someone good before us, we have to court them a little, be nice, sell a bit. There’s also an argument to say that it’s just good manners to treat people with decency and respect. Not so, Linda “Zelda” Plant, her skin stretched across her face like cellophane over a salad bowl, the one expression her face can manage to make being one of contempt and loathing. I scratch my head – how can this be, how can she be so vile? And then I remember that a few weeks ago these people were so desperate to work with Lord Sugar that they were picking up doggy do to impress. Pick up dog do, get treated like dog do.

I also liked the way three of the ladies dressed in similar, co ordinated outfits. I think the three of them hatched a plan. Like solo artists on the X Factor who come together to form a Girl Band when they are rejected on an individual basis, Northern Spice, Bonkers Spice and Sensible Spice could have gone on to form a florist come sweet shop in Bolton, dressed in work wear provided by I’m Not Wearing Your Stupid Co Ordinated Outfits Spice.

In the end, the plan was not needed as Sensible made it through to the final along with James. Sadly this meant Michaela did not make it. She had such a good energy and positive outlook, and she was genuinely very funny. She also gave Zelda as good as she got. Sad also that it was felt that taking a business onwards from £3M was felt to be too much to take on. She was the star of the series, a bright ball of colour in a world of grey. I feel going for James and Sarah at the expense of Michaela is like going for two scoops of vanilla when you could have had chocolate ripple with nuts and raspberry sauce. In a crepe. Served in a pint pot.

And so on to the Final. I guess many of us were reminded of lining up to get picked for games at school when the finalists got to pick their teams for the task at hand. Now I don’t mean to be rude, but Charles is short, a little chubby and he wears ridiculous specs: he is the short, fat, speccy one who got picked last at school. So imagine his glee when he got picked first by James! A man who couldn’t find the entrance to a tourist attraction was picked first. One has to question James’s judgement.

So, the Final was a draw, Karen was filmed dressed in a French maid’s outfit which made me think she and the radical feminists at West Ham had been up to no good and they all lived happily ever after.

Tenuous recruitment link? Don’t waste a candidate’s time (as you are also wasting your own), don’t be rude to applicants at interview – you invited them in to meet with you, and a thorough recruitment process ultimately leads to the right decision being made…but Michael a should have won!

For more information contact Rob Barklamb at BCL Legal.

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